Fairy dust

Kieran lost his first tooth yesterday!

Sometimes I catch myself looking at him and seeing him simultaneously at age 2 and age 15. He's growing so fast. He is already so competent at things that weren't even invented when I was six. But he still has moments of innocence. This morning we were discussing how exactly the tooth fairy goes about her business. I suggested that she must have some sort of magic backpack to carry all the loonies in, and another to carry all the childrens' teeth. We were trying to figure out the ramifications of this in terms of her ability to fly under all that weight, and how exactly she managed to squeeze through the mesh on his bedroom window with all this luggage.

Then Kieran said, "Here is what I believe. There was a tooth witch who wanted to take away all the childrens' teeth. She tried to turn the tooth fairy into a tooth witch, but the instead the tooth fairy decided to be good. So when she finds a tooth under a pillow, with a swish of her wand she turns it into fairy dust and sends it up to the stars. That's what I believe."

And you know, that is what I believe too.

Long night

This is for my Grandpa - and my Mum, who is with him tonight. I have no other words, but the song is swirling in my head.

======================

Long night
This is what it all comes to
Oh, long night
This is what we all go through
Oh, long night
Another friend is gone
Oh, long night
Leaving us to carry on

Death is a mighty uniter
The defeat that comes to every fighter
Live on--the dawn will be brighter
Live on, live on, live on

--- Rawlins Cross (1993)

Bubble day

I saw the other mom at karate today. I approached her after the class and apologized for the parking lot incident. She apologized too and seemed embarrassed. The baby was screaming, she said, and she'd had it. I told her I understood. We all have days like that.

Not that I could derive any lasting feeling from having restored Peace in Mommyland. It was barely an our later that I found myself turning into Screaching Mom, with two tired kids in the back rebelling against my every suggestion, and an equally frustrated hubby catching the brunt of it. It's been a rough couple of days, with worry and grief over my Grandpa's stroke yesterday morning, tinged with bitter disappointment about our anniversary getaway plans for the weekend being cancelled because of it, and guilt about being frustrated about the weekend when my family was in crisis. This morning we had a fabulous walk TO the grocery store, with plenty of blackberries along the way, and the kids were so good and cute in the grocery store that the tellers were actually calling people over to see how cute they were (I kid you not!). Then unbeknownst to me, Liam dropped his cookie out of the stroller on the way home and screamed "Back, back!!" all the way home, a normally pleasant 30 min walk.

By the time I met up with Michael at the end of the day, we had all lost it. Kieran was tormenting Liam who was refusing to stay buckled in his car seat. I started screaching at the kids, and Michael, who had also had his fair share of stress today, including several hours at the office on his "day off", said to me, "It's a bubble day".

"Huh?" I said, not having a clue what he was on about.

"A bubble day. Like what you wrote in your blog. We all need to have our lists above us so that everyone can know all the stuff we're dealing with and be gentle with us".

See, this is why I love this man. I have only been posting on the blog for a couple of weeks, and he's not only reading but gently reminding me of my own thoughts. I stood there for a couple of moments just thinking this over, letting the world stand still for a minute while the warm fuzzy washed around me.

"BUBBLE!" yelled Liam, happily.

"BUBBLE, BUBBLE.... POP!!"

Kids, try this one at home!

In other news, Kieran and I had some fun with a science experiment we found in his Chickadee magazine:

Materials:
- 1 small funnel
- 1 plastic water bottle
- 1 balloon
- 2 tbsp water
- 1/4 cup white vinegar
- 1 tsp baking soda

Pour the water and vinegar into the bottle. Use the funnel to pour the baking soda into the balloon. Stretch the open end of the balloon over the bottle opening and shake the balloon gently so that all the baking soda empties into the bottle.

Results:










Also, we found that if we doubled the recipe, it makes a very satisfactory ka-boom! when the balloon explodes and the baking powder flies all through the dining room!

Making science with my kids. I live for this.

Mommy rage

Today I got yelled at by another mom. Me! We were both picking up our 6-year-olds from their karate workshop. Apparently her van was parked next to mine and I noticed that she was standing behind her van, holding her baby in his car seat - but I thought she was talking to another mom nearby, so I didn't pay much attention. I got Liam into his car seat and dispensed snacks to both kids, then climbed in myself, and proceeded to deal with Liam's dropped blankie, Kieran needing water, Kieran wanting the radio on, Liam wanting water, Kieran handing me his fruity snack wrapper, Kieran realizing his seat belt was twisted and all messed up in its buckle...

I was just about to get out to go around and help Kieran disentangle his seat belt, when I heard from behind me, "Can you HURRY UP??"

I looked back and the other mom was still standing at the back of my van. "Sorry!" I said, "I didn't realize you were waiting!"

"Well you looked right at me", she snapped. "Now can you hurry up, this isn't light", she continued, jerking her head at the baby in his carseat.

"OK" I said, "but I just have to help my son with his seat belt!"

I can't remember what she said then but it wasn't pretty. I gave up and backed out into another parking stall across the way so that I could help Kieran. On the way she gave me some parting shots and I'm sorry to say that I might have said something about her apparent need to take a pill.

I have been thinking about this altercation all day. It's one thing to have a run-in with, say, the unhelpful "customer service" clerk at Wal-mart, or the messy drug-dealing neighbours. But this was another MOM, someone just like me -- in fact remarkably so: the two kids, the newer minivan, the more-or-less trendy clothes and haircut, the small but interesting tattoo on the ankle. Aren't we all supposed to be standing by each other, united in this mutual solidarity of being in the trenches, trying to raise our children and find that perfect but impossible balance between staying at home and remembering who we are as adults? Aren't we supposed to give each other some slack?

But then I also remembered all the times, and there have been many, many, since I've become a mother that I have just had it, and lost it on complete strangers. How many times have I been dealing with one child wailing and the other pulling everything off the shelves, enduring withering looks from seniors and clueless non-parents, when I just need to get bananas and milk for crying out loud, and ended up coming across as a total bitch to the poor cashier? And part of that loss of control is the realization that I feel completely and utterly judged by all these people, and I am convinced that their verdict is: Lousy Mother. FAILURE!!!

See I think part of the problem is that our whole society puts such high standards on motherhood. We are supposed to love every minute of raising children, and never complain about how hard it is. Don't get me wrong - of course, I wouldn't change my two darling pirates. For anything. And most days, it is just magic. But wouldn't it be great if some days we could walk around with a little bubble over our heads saying "Look, this is all the shit I am dealing with me right now (list). Please be gentle with me and not so quick to judge".

If we are all gentle and understanding with other moms, surely that is the seed to creating harmony in our little part of the world. Tomorrow I hope I see that mom again so that I can apologize for being inconsiderate and let her know that I do care. Perhaps somehow it will make a difference.