Our lives are a swirl of indecision, mixed with a frustrating inability to MAKE decisions until other factors outside of our control are settled upon. It's sort of like living in a big snowglobe and wondering if THIS is the last time, but four hours later it all gets shaken up again, just when we finally thought it was safe to go out and shovel the sidewalk.
I've been tempted by one of my favorite songs:
I've got a plan
Let's take off in the blue station wagon
And find the open road to salvation
Away from here
I've got a plan
Change the patterns that I form a lot
Not try to be something that I'm not
That I'm not
I've got another plan, this time it will work
I've got another plan, this time it will work,
Or I'll be struck down, struck down
...
The kids are seemingly oblivious to the impending changes in their lives, whatever they might be. Kieran has been entertaining me by (amongst other things) making up silly jokes. He's just starting to get the idea of what a joke is and how it works. I love it.
K: What is green and blue and has a 2?
me: I don't know, what is green and blue and has a 2?
K: A rhyme! Get it? Blue and Two, that rhymes!
me: Ha ha! Um, OK, what about the green part?
K: Oh, yeah, I just put that in there to make the joke longer.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
flux
So many changes and things to think about....
The short story is that my honey will be selling his share of his business in the next couple of weeks. It's a decision that's been a long time coming. He and his partner have not been happy with each other for several months. They each have a very different managerial style and different philosophies about how to run and market the company and what kinds of contracts they wanted to attract. So, Mike has decided to sell out and start anew.
The timing couldn't be more perfect. For months now we have been moaning about not having balance in our lives. In fact, numerous times we have come to the conclusion that it would be wonderful if I could go to work full-time as a marine biologist, and he could stay at home with the kids and run the household. In many ways he is far better at being the stay-at-home parent than I am. He is infinitely more patient with the boys, and far better organized - when I'm away he has them at school 15 minutes early, while I am usually tearing through the school zone at 8:29 and still have to get the kids into their shoes and sweaters when they arrive! He has a much better sense of prioritizing his time at home and is much more likely to get a handle on the finances than I ever was.
So, now it's happened. I have no choice but to go back full-time now! It's very scary. Of course, it's what I've wanted for a long time, that sense of fulfillment and actually using the training I've acquired over the years. But I'm worried that since having kids, I am really rusty. I'm very accustomed to making my own schedule throughout the day and I'm worried that I will find it difficult to get the self-discipline to be at work at 8:30 every day. On the other hand, I am definitely looking forward to finding my place in my field again, and hoping to follow through on my idea to ride my bike to work so that I might actually start losing weight again.
All of the changes in our lives are both very hopeful and positive, and yet decidedly unsettling. The sale of the company will provide us with a small pot of gold, and we really do see the rainbow that comes with it. Still, we will need to figure out if we can continue to afford our house, our car, our children's school. Of those, we would sooner move into a mobile home than take our boys out of their fabulous school. It's more than just a school, it's an entire community of like-minded people. Which means, we might have to downsize our house. Which won't be hard philosophically - our house is really quite huge; that's normal for this area of our town, but it's hardly necessary. Having spent my childhood living in boats, I know that to be true. But moving itself is such a procedure. Can we use this opportunity to declutter and start afresh? Or will we fall back into old, easy patterns?
We are being forced to really take a long hard look at our priorities, and see if we are brave enough to actually take our lives to where we'd love them to be, to put our principles into action. To minimize our ecological footprint. To walk to school. To ride to work. To use a smaller car, and use it less often. To buy produce locally. To make more food from scratch. To exercise more. To live in a smaller house that takes less energy to heat. To live with what brings us joy and harmony, not with clutter. To spend more time outdoors. To have less plastic and more earth. To know our neighbours. To put energy into helping others. To use our skills in a way that fulfills us professionally and spiritually.
We've been talking the talk for a long time. Can we walk the walk?
The short story is that my honey will be selling his share of his business in the next couple of weeks. It's a decision that's been a long time coming. He and his partner have not been happy with each other for several months. They each have a very different managerial style and different philosophies about how to run and market the company and what kinds of contracts they wanted to attract. So, Mike has decided to sell out and start anew.
The timing couldn't be more perfect. For months now we have been moaning about not having balance in our lives. In fact, numerous times we have come to the conclusion that it would be wonderful if I could go to work full-time as a marine biologist, and he could stay at home with the kids and run the household. In many ways he is far better at being the stay-at-home parent than I am. He is infinitely more patient with the boys, and far better organized - when I'm away he has them at school 15 minutes early, while I am usually tearing through the school zone at 8:29 and still have to get the kids into their shoes and sweaters when they arrive! He has a much better sense of prioritizing his time at home and is much more likely to get a handle on the finances than I ever was.
So, now it's happened. I have no choice but to go back full-time now! It's very scary. Of course, it's what I've wanted for a long time, that sense of fulfillment and actually using the training I've acquired over the years. But I'm worried that since having kids, I am really rusty. I'm very accustomed to making my own schedule throughout the day and I'm worried that I will find it difficult to get the self-discipline to be at work at 8:30 every day. On the other hand, I am definitely looking forward to finding my place in my field again, and hoping to follow through on my idea to ride my bike to work so that I might actually start losing weight again.
All of the changes in our lives are both very hopeful and positive, and yet decidedly unsettling. The sale of the company will provide us with a small pot of gold, and we really do see the rainbow that comes with it. Still, we will need to figure out if we can continue to afford our house, our car, our children's school. Of those, we would sooner move into a mobile home than take our boys out of their fabulous school. It's more than just a school, it's an entire community of like-minded people. Which means, we might have to downsize our house. Which won't be hard philosophically - our house is really quite huge; that's normal for this area of our town, but it's hardly necessary. Having spent my childhood living in boats, I know that to be true. But moving itself is such a procedure. Can we use this opportunity to declutter and start afresh? Or will we fall back into old, easy patterns?
We are being forced to really take a long hard look at our priorities, and see if we are brave enough to actually take our lives to where we'd love them to be, to put our principles into action. To minimize our ecological footprint. To walk to school. To ride to work. To use a smaller car, and use it less often. To buy produce locally. To make more food from scratch. To exercise more. To live in a smaller house that takes less energy to heat. To live with what brings us joy and harmony, not with clutter. To spend more time outdoors. To have less plastic and more earth. To know our neighbours. To put energy into helping others. To use our skills in a way that fulfills us professionally and spiritually.
We've been talking the talk for a long time. Can we walk the walk?
Thursday, March 22, 2007
The same old mum
Yesterday, my parents returned from their trip to New Zealand and brought back a treasure trove of kiwi books for the boys, including this delightful volume: 100 New Zealand Poems for Children.
The second poem was so adorable that I am sharing it today:
The same old mum
When Mum comes home from work,
the first thing she says is
'Put on the coffee, love,
I'll just go and change into something else.'
I put on the coffee and wait.
Will she change into a camel?
or a smiley green dragon?
or a chest of drawers?
or a triple-headed alien?
or maybe a super-mum
who cries 'Gazoo! Gazam!'
No, she always comes back the same old mum.
All she ever changes into
are her old home clothes.
-- Pauline Cartwright (fabulous illustration by David Elliot).
The second poem was so adorable that I am sharing it today:
The same old mum
When Mum comes home from work,
the first thing she says is
'Put on the coffee, love,
I'll just go and change into something else.'
I put on the coffee and wait.
Will she change into a camel?
or a smiley green dragon?
or a chest of drawers?
or a triple-headed alien?
or maybe a super-mum
who cries 'Gazoo! Gazam!'
No, she always comes back the same old mum.
All she ever changes into
are her old home clothes.
-- Pauline Cartwright (fabulous illustration by David Elliot).
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
upgrades
Upgrades have been installed!
Before: Harry Potter glasses. After: new big-boy specs!
Before: page boy cut. After: new Luke Skywalker / Steve Irwin do!!
Before: plastic container with plastic rocks and plastic tree. After: all new diggs for Fishy! Note artful multi-coloured rocks, people!
And don't be alarmed, Fishy does actually live on the kitchen counter amidst the fruit basket, the dish-rack and the house plants, but this was the only way I could get his whole new habitat in the shot, and I couldn't resist choosing the shot with the household carnivores in it too... The bamboo stems are now starting to send out roots and so I'm hoping he must like his new mangrove-like arrangement. Having no way to really know unless he goes belly-up, I'm going to say he LOVES it.
Also, before: stressful life with little balance. After? Significant Life Upgrade is in the works. Stay tuned for details. And no, I'm not pregnant.
Before: Harry Potter glasses. After: new big-boy specs!
Before: page boy cut. After: new Luke Skywalker / Steve Irwin do!!
Before: plastic container with plastic rocks and plastic tree. After: all new diggs for Fishy! Note artful multi-coloured rocks, people!And don't be alarmed, Fishy does actually live on the kitchen counter amidst the fruit basket, the dish-rack and the house plants, but this was the only way I could get his whole new habitat in the shot, and I couldn't resist choosing the shot with the household carnivores in it too... The bamboo stems are now starting to send out roots and so I'm hoping he must like his new mangrove-like arrangement. Having no way to really know unless he goes belly-up, I'm going to say he LOVES it.
Also, before: stressful life with little balance. After? Significant Life Upgrade is in the works. Stay tuned for details. And no, I'm not pregnant.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
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