If you give a 2-year-old a tummy bug,
He'll throw up all through his bed at 7 am on a Sunday,
And then he'll come and crawl into your bed for a snuggle,
But then he won't feel very well,
And so he'll sit up and throw up all over you in your bed,
And then you put him in the shower to get cleaned up,
And you'll go in his room to find him some clothes
And then you'll notice the barf all through his bed,
And while you're calculating all the laundry you have already signed up for before 8 am,
You'll go through the living room and find 5 piles of cat barf on the carpet
And one pile of cat barf in the CandyLand box,
And then your 6-year-old will want waffles,
And he'll want some maple syrup to go with it,
And your 2-year-old will have miraculously recovered from his barfing,
And want waffles too,
And he will eat the waffles merrily, and drink some herbal tea,
And throw up all over his chair,
And while you're cleaning up the barf for the 3rd time this morning,
You'll go downstairs to put his bed linens in the laundry,
And that's when you'll find the 4 piles of cat barf on the stairs,
And while your toddler is in the shower for the second time that morning,
You'll get the Green Machine going on the cat barf situation,
And then after you've got him dressed again, he'll want to help with the Green Machine,
And while he's helping with the Green Machine, he'll puke all over it,
And while he's in the shower for the third time,
And you've got the second load of bed linens in the washing machine,
You'll start to relax because the kids are playing nicely in the big boy's room,
Until you hear shrieks of horror because the toddler has puked all over the Millenium Falcon,
And is being dragged out of the room by his shirt, dripping barf as he goes,
And while he's in the shower for the fourth time,
He's perfectly happy playing with his shower toys,
While you get the Green Machine out again,
And promise your 6-year-old that he will one day be able to return to his room,
After you have thoroughly disinfected it,
And when you dress your toddler in the fourth outfit of the day,
He looks perfectly fine and happy and full of colour in his cheeks,
So you rashly let him eat 12 grapes and a sip of herbal tea,
While you're helping your 6-year-old try on his Luke Skywalker costume,
And your 2-year-old will want to try on his Yoda costume,
And they will have a light saber battle,
And Daddy will get so excited that he'll rush off to the store to buy a Darth Vader costume,
And he'll drop off your 6-year-old for a playdate,
And you'll take your toddler down to get his baba out of the dryer, all clean and dry,
And you'll settle on the couch for some numble time,
And he'll fall asleep.......
And you'll realize it's 1 pm and you're still in your pyjamas,
Which have crusted puke on them,
And you'll eat a bit of lunch, and have a really long shower,
And do another 2 loads of laundry,
And clean up the kitchen,
And clean the kitty litter box,
And in a while you'll hear coughing from your toddler's room, followed by crying,
And you'll go in to find him sitting in a pool of puke,
And 12 grapes,
And you'll clean him up and take all his bed linens downstairs for the second time,
And he'll perk right up and do puzzles in the kitchen,
Until he throws up on the floor,
And you'll clean that up as Darth Vader and Luke arrive home,
And you'll watch in glee as a three-way light saber battle ensues,
And then you'll clean up some more barf,
And dress your toddler in his fifth outfit of the day,
And do another 2 loads of laundry,
And then you'll realize he hasn't peed or pooped today,
So you'll have a brilliant idea to make some fresh organic carrot juice to help clear out his system
And you'll put some beets in it because it's your heavy day,
And you would rather have spent the day on the couch wrapped in a blanket,
Dealing with cramps,
And you'll make scrambled eggs for dinner because they're easily digested,
And because your mother made them for you when you were sick as a child,
And he'll chug the juice and ask for more,
And he'll eat a nibble or two of eggs,
And he'll stand up and barf blood-red juice all down his front,
And your 6-year-old will freak right out thinking it's real blood,
And your 2-year-old will freak right out thinking it's a real problem,
And you'll be thankful it was all over the lino,
Even if it got into the cat food,
And then he'll get back up to the table and throw up some more bright red goo,
And then he'll have his fifth shower of the day,
And you'll put the big waterproof mattress cover from the 6-year-old's bed on his bed,
And you'll put the red sheets on his bed,
And you'll dress him all in red,
And he'll wander out into the hall and projectile vomit all over the light beige carpet,
And you'll realize you've been cleaning barf for 12 hours,
And you'll survey the bright red puke spread across the hall,
And your husband will don his shining armour and get out the Green Machine,
And clean it all up while you get your toddler changed into another red outfit,
And he'll bring you a towel when he throws up again,
And he'll sit with your 2-year-old, on a towel on his bed, under a red blanket,
And your 2-year-old will give up on the day and fall asleep in Daddy's lap,
And you'll read stories to your 6-year-old,
And Daddy will read more stories when you fall asleep in the middle of Paddington Bear,
And while you're cleaning the red puke out of the Green Machine,
Your 6-year-old will come out looking for pyjamas,
And tell you that his tummy feels upset,
And you'll remember that when you took the mattress protector off his bed,
That you knew this would happen,
And you'll put extra accident sheets under his sheet,
And pray that they'll sleep through the night,
And you'll go and run 3 more loads of laundry,
And just be thankful it didn't happen in the car.
(clicking on the images should make them larger!)
